This blog post is the continuation of The Sun and The Moon – Part I
So where were we? Oh yeah at the bar which was buzzing as busy as bees. We were chitchatting all sorts, can’t even recall what in particular we were talking about. For me, his company was all that I could ask for. I was trying to live a life in that moment which was unfolding quick and time was flying within the blink of an eye. Was past midnight but we agreed to walk all the way back. Away from the buzz once we stepped outside, the setting and the lighting seemed perfect. It was a bit chilly but a refreshing breeze, the smell of an earth and wiped off clear view after the rain was inviting. We walked leisurely passing by the beautiful lake. Walking alongside him through the avenue under the glaze of a moonlight, along the starry night – made it ever so surreal. Wait! Hold that thought right there. Relatable to the moment from the movie ‘La La Land’ where Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling’s were walking and dancing against the starry night? You wish 😉
And we’d reached…think we would call it a night? Nope, instead, we decided to hang out in the veranda for a bit. It was freezing cold, wasn’t like we were accompanied by some comforting drinks, sipping it leaning over a cozy sofa – nope. Although I wished that was the case but the fact that it was too late for a normal human to be still awake; hence no one at the service. However, against all odds, we chose to spend that time together, whereas supposedly it would have been an easy pick for him to be in the comforts of his quilt – napping; especially when he only had an hour or two before hopping on that long ride back to the city. Yet, he chose to compromise his sleep and comfort. And I was there, all pleased to find myself in his company. For sure I wouldn’t have replaced that moment for no amount of riches. Deep down I truly wished the night would never end.
Our voices were the only sound disrupting the silence of the night. Lips were moving but it was eyes that for me did most of the talking. I hadn’t said THE WORD but I assumed he heard it; he hadn’t responded but I assumed I knew what his response would be. What I was picking from the energies, now wasn’t in my favor. For me, the dawn with it brought the end to my fantasies. I wouldn’t dare want to ruin the moment by confirming to it thus I decided to leave it unattended and silently returned to my room.
My friend who is a Sagittarius sun is my reality check, especially when I’m all dreamy. We both have very different approach to things and life in general. Our friendship stands the test of time; it wasn’t all smooth sailing during the initial stage though. But now, it has flourished into a deep bond which can only get stronger. Since she noticed that I wasn’t getting to the point and in despair before even spilling the words out, she stepped up to the plate and started interrogating him. She did so, with an intention of finding the probability of him liking me back. And most importantly if he was the suitor type. Clearly, under her judgment, she proclaims that he failed the test. Ouch! That hurt but I do trust her verdict (especially now more than ever); because she has witnessed my patterns; seen the red flags loud and clear and had warned me. Despite her forewarning, I always did what I thought was right at that time, only to realize years later that she was right. Well, I blame it on my amygdala for taking a little nap 😛
While they both were in the flow of deep conversation: one seemingly interviewing and the other happy answering; I returned, stood there at a distance watching them in delight. The sight was adorable, although a bit silly to be debating at almost 3 in the morning haha. But again, soon to my surprise, I found myself simply standing there unresponsive. All of a sudden I was ridiculously quiet, not even wanting to be a part of their conversation. One moment I was all smiles and the very next moment I was sad.
What happened to me all of sudden if you may wonder…as mentioned earlier I’d picked up a clue that he was about to break my heart. More I acknowledged this fact, more I was hurting. My mind went in denial and my body became stiff. My friend and him – having that conversation, it blurred somewhere in the background. I was so numb that even when he leaned towards me to hug me goodnight I did not hug him back (I wish I had but I didn’t). I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn’t even see him coming towards me. That brief second I was like this dead person standing still simply watching him walk past me. Took me a couple of more cigarettes to realize that – that’s it, he’s gone. Now, will I ever get to relive this moment – with him by my side? Will I ever have the courage to actually say the words? Were my feelings playing tricks or guarding me as my saving grace? If I were to propose would he really decline my offer as I assumed he would? Was my friend right; was this for better? OR was I missing out on something beautiful?
To be continued…