In retrospect, trying to figure out what writing means to me. How it really makes me feel? Why the need to write? Often I claim to have loved it. If it’s sth I love, why do I do it seldom? I think I know the answer :
- When carefree or careless, I write
- When hopeful or in despair, I write
- When in love or out of it, I write
- When in pain or healing, I write
- When either sad or happy, I write…
Complete freedom to me comes with an ability to fearlessly express how I feel when I feel it. No drama, no games, I believe in being true to my emotions at all times.
Some are very protective of me that I write. They worry I give out way too much of myself in the process. While others are disheartened that I do it seldom. TBH, I don’t write or hold back for none of these groups. I don’t entirely do it for myself either. I write because I can’t resist the urge (when it comes); in that sense writing is more of a necessity than a free will.
While writing I come text-to-text with my alter ego. These words are not just my mere reflections. If I may say so, it has the life and soul of its own. Like a spirit, these words seek my attention and demand to take a tangible form.
Writing makes me feel; sometimes way too much. There are times when I want to feel nothing and disconnect from the world. It’s then, I resist writing. But even then, more often than not, I’m always writing. But yes, I admit I don’t post as often as I write.
Despite the bittersweet emotions writing brings with it—it sets me free. It helps me heal better and faster. Writing makes me vulnerable yet strong and very much alive.
Kurt Cobain once said, “I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.” My values and choices seem to complement that principle, more so, when writing. Writing allows me to be—myself. It brings out the most authentic self in me, often to my own surprise.
Through writing I confess my deepest fears to myself; writing enumerates my life experiences back to me. When having to deal with turbulent times and difficult emotions, words help me cope-up. It is for this reason, writing is my guiding light (has always been). Also, personally I think I express better through writing. Writing extracts the vitality from 8 years old in me and imparts wisdom from an 80-year-old in me. It feeds and nurtures both and all ages in between.
Writing embraces every aspect of my emotion. Writing to me is a form of my being. I AM BCOZ I FEEL, thus I write. I write coz I know, no other way of expression that feels so fulfilling and therapeutic. I write for all the reasons above and more. I shall continue writing as long as I feel, as long as I live.
How did it all begin?
I’ve been writing for as long as I can recall. I remember presenting a handwritten letter to my mum expressing my deepest emotions or at least attempting to—as an 8-year-old. While in 8th standard, I remember penning down thoughts about my experience on 1st day in school (new school). This write-up got published in a school magazine later that year—was indeed my first publication ever. When in 10th standard, I recall replying to a guy’s proposal, searching for the right words to decline, but politely. I remember having written a short essay as an assignment in high school, which earned me a praise from the vice principal in front of the class for portraying it beautifully.
High school wasn’t even over, then came work. Although my first job wasn’t related to writing; I guess I never stopped. One of my ex-gifted me a notebook back in 2008 realizing this hidden passion of mine. It seems, he and many others saw it in me before I’d even considered it for myself. One of my bestie (Ujjwala) suggested me to start a blog; this was sometime in 2009. I let the idea hover until that day at work when there was no work. It was 2010 and I’m referring to a time when SM’s ship was sinking (the first organization where I’d worked). While there were many, killing time playing counter strike during odd hours, I seized that as an opportunity to start my own blog. Thankfully this attempt of utilizing time wisely in no time earned me a new job offer at ECS Media back in 2011. To my surprise, several others followed; in fact, in 2012 I received 7 or 8 job offers at once. I was under tremendous pressure to make the right choice. But today, I can say this proudly that I’d made the right decision by going full time with HLE (Home Loan Experts) which gave me the best 4 years of my career.
Coming back to ’why I write.’ Again, I do so, not to prove anything to anyone; not even to excel the art, but simply to express my thoughts and emotions with nothing but pure honesty. Although what I say may, very likely contradict from time to time but they are true to the moment when it’s being written. It’s like flipping pages of chapters from my own life (after having experienced it and learned a lesson ) I write, to move on to the next.
Happy reading, happy learning, happy writing. $hri§T