The Sun and The Moon – Part II

This blog post is the continuation of The Sun and The Moon – Part I

So where were we? Oh yeah at the bar which was buzzing as busy as bees. We were chitchatting all sorts, can’t even recall what in particular we were talking about. For me, his company was all that I could ask for. I was trying to live a life in that moment which was unfolding quick and time was flying within the blink of an eye. Was past midnight but we agreed to walk all the way back. Away from the buzz once we stepped outside, the setting and the lighting seemed perfect. It was a bit chilly but a refreshing breeze, the smell of an earth and wiped off clear view after the rain was inviting. We walked leisurely passing by the beautiful lake. Walking alongside him through the avenue under the glaze of a moonlight, along the starry night – made it ever so surreal. Wait! Hold that thought right there. Relatable to the moment from the movie ‘La La Land’ where Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling’s were walking and dancing against the starry night? You wish ๐Ÿ˜‰ 

La La Land – Lovely Night
And we’d reached…think we would call it a night? Nope, instead, we decided to hang out in the veranda for a bit. It was freezing cold, wasn’t like we were accompanied by some comforting drinks, sipping it leaning over a cozy sofa – nope. Although I wished that was the case but the fact that it was too late for a normal human to be still awake; hence no one at the service. However, against all odds, we chose to spend that time together, whereas supposedly it would have been an easy pick for him to be in the comforts of his quilt – napping; especially when he only had an hour or two before hopping on that long ride back to the city. Yet, he chose to compromise his sleep and comfort. And I was there, all pleased to find myself in his company. For sure I wouldn’t have replaced that moment for no amount of riches. Deep down I truly wished the night would never end.

A Leo man and a Cancer woman
Our voices were the only sound disrupting the silence of the night. Lips were moving but it was eyes that for me did most of the talking. I hadn’t said THE WORD but I assumed he heard it; he hadn’t responded but I assumed I knew what his response would be. What I was picking from the energies, now wasn’t in my favor. For me, the dawn with it brought the end to my fantasies. I wouldn’t dare want to ruin the moment by confirming to it thus I decided to leave it unattended and silently returned to my room.

My friend who is a Sagittarius sun is my reality check, especially when I’m all dreamy. We both have very different approach to things and life in general. Our friendship stands the test of time; it wasn’t all smooth sailing during the initial stage though. But now, it has flourished into a deep bond which can only get stronger. Since she noticed that I wasn’t getting to the point and in despair before even spilling the words out, she stepped up to the plate and started interrogating him. She did so, with an intention of finding the probability of him liking me back. And most importantly if he was the suitor type. Clearly, under her judgment, she proclaims that he failed the test. Ouch! That hurt but I do trust her verdict (especially now more than ever); because she has witnessed my patterns; seen the red flags loud and clear and had warned me. Despite her forewarning, I always did what I thought was right at that time, only to realize years later that she was right. Well, I blame it on my amygdala for taking a little nap ๐Ÿ˜›

While they both were in the flow of deep conversation: one seemingly interviewing and the other happy answering; I returned, stood there at a distance watching them in delight. The sight was adorable, although a bit silly to be debating at almost 3 in the morning haha. But again, soon to my surprise, I found myself simply standing there unresponsive. All of a sudden I was ridiculously quiet, not even wanting to be a part of their conversation. One moment I was all smiles and the very next moment I was sad.

Yes, we live with it; not by choice but thanks to the tides.
What happened to me all of sudden if you may wonder…as mentioned earlier I’d picked up a clue that he was about to break my heart. More I acknowledged this fact, more I was hurting. My mind went in denial and my body became stiff. My friend and him – having that conversation, it blurred somewhere in the background. I was so numb that even when he leaned towards me to hug me goodnight I did not hug him back (I wish I had but I didn’t). I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn’t even see him coming towards me. That brief second I was like this dead person standing still simply watching him walk past me. Took me a couple of more cigarettes to realize that – that’s it, he’s gone. Now, will I ever get to relive this moment – with him by my side? Will I ever have the courage to actually say the words? Were my feelings playing tricks or guarding me as my saving grace? If I were to propose would he really decline my offer as I assumed he would? Was my friend right; was this for better? OR was I missing out on something beautiful?

To be continued…

The Sun & The Moon – Part I

What can I say about this king of the jungle? Fierce lion ๐Ÿฆ for sure but also a cute kitty you want to cuddle (don’t take this in a literal sense though) ๐Ÿ™ƒ

Before I begin, just a little heads up for my readers. Don’t expect me to elaborate on the compatibility between Cancer women and Leo men or unravel the mystery behind these two opposing celestial bodies. However, in my endeavor to keep you all entertained, I have posted some fun facts about these two zodiac signs in between .

Please note in this blog post, I will only be speaking from my own experience based on my interaction as a moon ๐ŸŒ™ sign with a Leo. Do bear in mind this tale tells only one side of the story i.e from my perspective.

How it all began?

We’d 1st met back in 2014 (was strictly business). Little did I know that I would be contemplating few years down the line to mention this person in my blog. Back then he was just some random guy who had found me via LinkedIn and we’d met once or twice to discuss the opportunity he had to offer. During our 1st meet: The say on the pay wasn’t on concord. In the 2nd meet: I wasn’t ready so ended up being more of a counseling session where I shared few HR tips. During the 3rd meet: This time I’d contacted him to check if they still had any opportunity that suited my profile. To which he readily accepted and scheduled a meet thus we were here at one of my favorite restaurant in town having a pleasant conversation.

After tossing some ideas around we found our happy medium and voilร  – they welcomed me aboard. I was offered an entirely new role, was a new field and a new industry. Well, if one were to review my job profile, no two preceding and current role match anyways. Nope, not fickle, rather I’ve always preferred working outside my comfort zone. Some call it daring but, could be easily mistaken for a foolishness too. I don’t care what others say, all I know is it’s fun to dare and play foolish sometimes. So, speaking of a new role being offered – was a challenge no doubt but that wasn’t really a new thing for me.

AHA MOMENT

Of all the thoughts and zillion words we’d exchanged that afternoon during the final meeting before selection…it was what I consider his bold statement, where he interestingly summed up his perception for why he was hiring me….and it was those words that led a subtle spark to how I feel about him today. As soon as he completed his sentence I was dumbfounded; literally, there was a brief pause. He said it with such confidence and intensity as if he’d uncovered an aspect in me.

The way he elaborated his reasoning was like a stranger summing me using words only my besties could best describe me with. This, to be coming from someone whom I’d met only a few times and known just professionally took me by surprise. Well! Either that or I was romanticizing but again – why would I? Why all of a sudden?

It’s insane to even going back thinking ๐Ÿ’ญ about it. I don’t get attracted to people very often tbh, but that moment it felt as if a cupid had finally targetted it right and I was struck by his arrow. Damn Mr. Leo got me thinking my entire way back home.

By the time I’d reached home, I wasn’t the same girl who’d left home early that morning. I was all smiles; although I smile most of the time but this one was different. Why? It had a reason, even though I couldn’t say for sure what the reason was.

Fairytale Love

My Battle with Myself 

Moment of fancy didn’t last long coz soon I was hit by a reality – a realization. I knew I had to keep it strictly business or else I would ruin the opportunity provided.  I was battling with myself. Soon I started neglecting my feelings in a hope that it would fade with time. But I didn’t know then, that in the coming months my feelings towards him would only grow stronger. I tried obscuring my feeling from all for about a month and a half but the unuttered words and uncatered emotions escalated my anxiety – making matters worst.

One day, following my gut instinct, I just decided to follow him to wherever he was and tell him how I feel. Came to know that he was out of town. Do what next? I either had to wait for him get back in town or get to where he was and tell him how I felt before I lost the courage to do so. And just look at the timing, being the major festive season most people from KTM were traveling to their hometown. Therefore, I was having difficulty booking a bus to get to where he was. Do or die spirit got on me, I even attempted a flight ticket but no luck with that either. Then I sought help in Nepal’s carpool page (which got its popularity since Nepal-India border blockade in 2015); few responded but they rather sounded creepy. Moving on, there was no explanation why I was acting the way I did, like as if there’s no tomorrow. Holy sh*t I even dragged my friend on this last-gasp initiative of mine ๐Ÿ™„

After all those running around in the eleventh hour and back to back phone calls we somehow managed a ride; still I couldn’t take a breath of relief – not yet. Now I was excited ๐Ÿ˜ƒ Gosh I never wanted to see anyone this badly in the last few years. Me and my bestie, off we were in our journey and oh boy! Tell me about the wait? Coz that ride felt like the longest ride of my life.

Finally, we reached our desired destination. In my head, I was like “Yay! He’s now only a call away.” But then again…I started fidgeting, losing confidence thus was struggling to make that one call.

All of a sudden I felt at fault, I thought it was a mistake – big mistake. I was wavering; thought I shouldn’t have come to where I am now, I shouldn’t have acted on a whim. Was having these second thoughts and how he might perceive me.

After a lot of self-talk, I took a deep breath thinking – what could possibly go wrong? I mean what’s the worst that could happen? He would reject me, I could lose my job or both, haha but at least I would not live in regret my entire life for not having tried.

I will be lying if I say that I wasn’t expecting a positive response. Heaven knows…it was after ages I could feel my heart’s desire to live (relive), give, trust and risk (even at the cost of being hurt). I had to tell him in person and it was now or never. I knew it was worth a risk because in ages I was acting insane (desperate even) so the only choice i had was to trust my feelings and set the consequences aside for now.

It’s crazy I know but I like crazy and it’s a known fact that love makes us do silly things. Wow! Wait – did I just said ‘Love?’ ๐Ÿ™„ I don’t even know what this is tbh. Anyways the point is – when in love my heart knows no bound, it either loves too much or doesn’t. It even loves to an extent of letting go (if need be) and leaving (if it’s for better).

Our ‘jab we meet’ moment 

So next thing, I was back in power so I grabbed my phone and notified him that we were here. We were probably on the same street but had to juggle through some hide and seek, as he was with his own group of friends (family). Meanwhile, my friend and I were enjoying bar-hop. Amid our leisurely walks, I was bumping into known faces in every corner; most people I hadn’t met in a while. However, my eye was only hoping to get one glance of a person I’d made this journey for.

I was afraid the evening would go by and tomorrow he will be headed back to the city. If that was the case, I wasn’t sure if I would be brave enough to tell him how I feel – ever again. But thanks heaven – he messaged saying that he want to catch-up, now that was assuring. But just when we were that close to meeting, there was a heavy rain โ˜”๏ธ which got us stuck to wherever we both were; had no choice but to wait.

Waited and waited some more. The evening had gone by, was past 9 or so (not sure). But just when I’d given all hope – there I saw him at the entrance, his eyes scanning through the crowd; perhaps looking for me. That to me was the most fulfilling and beautiful sight of the day ๐Ÿ˜Š

He introduced us to his sister and he pretty well got along with my friend too. We talked all silly, drank, laughed, walked and talked some more. I was throwing hints throughout and If I’m correct he was smart enough to collect the clues and was reciprocating without the use of words…

Next: The Sun and The Moon – Part II