I ask nothing more but just a bit less than what is considered more… Something that is normal… So how hard do I have to try just to be or at least feel normal? Depriving anyone from being perfect -that’s ok but withholding the one from being normal – That Is Not Ok! Discontentment pilled up…few among many I consider abnormal are:
(1) Abnormal Childhood: I matured faster than my age and that I consider-is not normal. I barely remember myself as a child for I was so much in a rush to grow up. I was into thinking that growing up is the solution to all problems, but who knew that the problems would grow along with age. Those burden of textbooks, exercise books and assignments were soon to be replaced by tension, exploitation and abandonment. Those whom we idolized as a child now seemed corrupt, those days we bypassed now we seemed to long, those senseless talk we seem to be missing, those memories of laughing over silly things now seem to bring smile upon our face .As a child we feared being picked in the class to answer the question we might not have any answer to but now that we know the answer to most of it-we fear losing our innocence…
(2)Mis fortunate : My birth made my *** upset as ** was expecting a boy (and I was the 2nd child and yet another girl).The day I learnt that I have caused disappointment to my dearest ***, I made a promise to myself that I shall make em proud someday. I still don’t understand why it is so important to be born with a male organ? My sister was putting her best to be the elder son of the house and me on the other had was following in the footsteps of my sister. Tying to be sth that we are not again makes our action abnormal…
(3)Broken Ties: Broken family so already feel retarded and that again is an abnormal feeling. Still lingering around the lost faith and trying to hold on tight to one or any part that’s left. Used to ask myself why do I have to try so hard while for the rest the same thing comes so easy. School life was soon to end and amidst the frustrating environment and emotional torments I survived to cross the so called “Iron Gate” .End of one road gives way to the new one…was excitement for what was to come. Change for sure felt good. It brought new hopes and dream. I was hopeful that from here on…. things will go smooth. BUT………………..
(4)High School: What others call” high school”, in my case, would call it a high court (not exactly high court but yeah court where injustice is guaranteed). While all my friends were enjoying their new found youth and used to have their normal boyfriend and girlfriend dispute, and College rivalry, I was battling for who owns me and whom do I belong to? No matter what conclusion would be convicted -either way had to lose. From then I prayed and hoped that non would ever had to go seek any among these 3 in-laws (what I prefer calling) i.e Court, Hospital and Police Station. These 3 watch dog of the society is what we need to watch out from……End of iron gate leaded me somewhere else rather than college so that again is abnormal…. Everyone has their own story to tell and everyone goes through their own problems in life but many among us face it in response to time while in my case it was either way too early or way too late.
(5)Lost love: Some wise man said “No One Can Escape Love”, you are likely to be struck by cupid anywhere anytime….no matter how occupied,one always finds time for love. I too once for a while thought that I was in love. For some reason I always thought I would be one of those girls who would be blessed when it comes to love (At least in this case I would be lucky, I had to ….I thought so) but again I was wrong…. He came into my life for good for worst for better…He came for a reason and is gone for good….His role scripted by god (was short yet strong).In any case ,this isn’t that important to discuss right now as rest of my posts on my blog has said it enough abt love shit thing….I AM NOT NORMAL-good to know that I am not in the crowd…..now moving on to my next discontentment….
(6)Zits: Now comes the least imp of all but is causing me major stress.People say that it’s the face that represent one’s personality but I would like to defy that and divert it to “expression”, written expression of course coz oral(verbal) would again include a face lol.So my identity is reflected not by my face but through my expression via writing.Talking about personality,beauty,face… I come to the topic “my skin”. My skin is really sensitive and am one living sample you can test try to find out whether to use or not to use any cosmetic/brand. Zits have been bothering me for as long as I can remember. They say zits are not our fault; it’s just that not all are fortunate in that matter. And here again I am the victim. Don’t I already have other stresses from all around …and comes zits to make my life a living hell.
Some of my loved ones console me saying that; You look beautiful to me with or without these zits, Some says that” I should not let any temporary thing as such bother me; I better not let it hamper my normal routine, few of my frens and cousins tell me that no one can carry zits as beautifully and confidently as I can lol (now that’s flattering)..But easier said than done……I too very clearly understand that looks does not matter all but again it does matter some. One or the other way it is hampering my social life, work and my confidence level .When zits come it brings with it the negativity that no amount of words can console. And it’s not me who is conscious but it’s that look on society’s face that makes me conscious. When I speak or am presenting sth imp, I would expect people to heed my words instead… they go off the topic, only to recommend me yet another remedy for acne.
It’s seasonal I know and mostly it occurs twice a year and in rare cases more but when it does occur, it’s gets really scary..That’s the time- all I want to do is nothing and all I wanna be is invisible. Trying to keep away from all and every reflection to avoid facing my own face. Having clean and clear day/month to me is similar to what most of yall call, having a good hair day…Sensitive skin that again is not normal….
Oh stop it- will I ever ? God too might be tired of hearing all these never ending worries.BTW what is considered normal? Normal is in ‘the unachievable” for all mankind. What you don’t have at the moment is what you want at that moment. But the moment you achieve the same, you seem to find flaws in it.Contentment is never fully achieved…. There is no halt to discontentment in human nature, so better we all learn to live in the moment with no excuses..…. Grr Me! I am the problem and I am the solution –what an irony I am to myself LOL!Basically I am talking to me and like my tag line sys ,“When no1 understands,words take a form of my expression, objective is just to let it out” ….
To conclude all the above problems guides me to one simple solution, that is to “Live the moment to the fullest “..Here and now is all I have, “Yesterday is long gone and tomorrow hasn’t come so today is all we have to live full on“. That is one of my mantra in life which I’ve been following with sincerity. If you look at things positively…Think-If it wasn’t for these zits, I would have never understood how it feels like to feel ugly, and how on earth would I know if he/she is gonna be there for me in my worst and in my best? Thanks to these zits ,it has helped me filter frens who really care for me and adore me with or without these scars…Life would be boring if it wasn’t troublesome. .. “There is love when there is the sense of lost”, similarly there is pleasure only after pressure…My life may seem dramatic and troublesome but I love my ride (full of adventure) and every time a new turn knocks me down, like a phoenix I rise, mistakes make me wiser, insults make me stronger, pullbacks pushes me forward. So make room for troubles in your life, welcome them, and learn from them coz you may become aware from other’s mistake but when you make your own-that’s when you really learn. Enjoy the beauty of imperfection…Something that is perfect to look at, what is there to look at ?While something that is imperfect you look at shapes it’s perfection in your imagination and nothing physical can beat the imagination. PEACE!Take Care U All !!