“Whole is greater than sum of its parts.” No! This post ain’t about Holism or has got anything to do with Aristotle and/or Metaphysics.Not wholly related but partly it is 😉
Paradoxically, here I am comparing the whole with my parents and parts when separating the two. So rephrasing it I would like to say “Whole is definitely greater than its part”.
As a little girl I still remember how I used to love and adored my parents when together. I can still remember once when I was in 4th or 5thh standard, we all were asked to make a sentence out of a given word. I was given the word “Bird”. I made a sentence out of that for which I was praised in front of the whole class (That I still remember hehe). I can’t say with certainty but it was sth like “It looks beautiful to see two birds stay together, fly together, just be together.” The order of the sentence might be different but it was that phrase I had come up with.
Those two birds symbolized my own parents. IDK if my teacher could feel the in-depth sentiment but he sure looked pleased. He closed his eyes, nodded his head and made that Hmmm sound of appreciation…and I was thinking to myself (was that sentence, that good?).To my surprise I came up with that sentence instantly … You may think? “One very simple sentence and blowing her own trumpet ….” But to me it’s deeper than just a sentence. It proves how the environment @ home was effecting and influencing my thoughts..Philosopher not by choice !
Well coming back to the point and getting out of that classroom (lol)….Talking about my parents. As I was saying how I adored them when they were together. Now if you ask me “If separated the both, whom do you love the most? Mom or Dad? I would say “NONE”-YES, you heard that right, neither of both. To me they both lost their value when separated.
Let me explain that to you in rather absurd way or I say more artistic/creative way (haha).How do you draw a heart?? You draw the curved line from the top of the paper pulling the pencil in an arc as it moves downward. You than repeat the same arc on the other side making sure it’s the same size and shape. If I am correct you’ve just joined two sketches and gave it a shape of a heart right?? Let’s say u never joined those two arcs. You drew the left side and left it incomplete. Now picture how does it look like?? To me it looks somewhat like a disfigured sign of a question mark, isn’t it? One disfigured sign of a question mark and its mirror image when joined together solves all the answer (lol).Don’t yall agree?
Same goes for my parents. Combination of my dad and mom was terrific and their separation a disaster. Used to value both when they were together and now that they are apart, they both seem valueless to me. That’s why I say “Family just a showcase that too crooked”. When they were together I loved them both equally and now that they are apart I dislike both EQUALLY. It’s their life, their decision FINE! Marriage fails -ok understood…BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN???
It hurts to see the most precious thing you’ve owned and you’ve ever loved break into two (Pieces? There are just so many pieces that its hard to tell if its just 2 pieces).I could go to any extreme to join them but they only repel .Even If I do join it, marks are still going to be visible which will keep reminding me how badly it was broken and what happens if u try to assemble all those broken pieces? You might get hurt or even bleed (that’s what exactly happened to me). Reverting back to my childhood is no fun (trust me on that).
I was flipping back pages from my old diary…back in 2005 I write: “I want to be a child again, want to be reincarnated in a fine family and the 1st thing I would like to change is EXCHANGE my mom and dad with someone else’s ” .I write: “Is this my life? If it is than I don’t like the people in it esp my near and so called dear ones”.Dec 2004 I write “ Dad tells me that he is gonna leave me like dog leaves shit ” (I don’t remember he saying that? Bad liar am I? I must have made that on my own coz I don’t want to believe it’s true.
If only there was a time machine where actually I could go back in time and rewind. I would than stop my parent’s separation. NO! I guess I would go further than that…I would stop my own parent’s marriage (lol)-Again Not Funny!?! But It Is……
• I was there the whole time to so them break and deep down inside I was unable to endure no more and like a wreck damn was going to break.
• I was there the whole time watching and learning all the shitty things that comes with marriage.
• I was there the whole time to see my perfect heart shaped love break apart.
As a child whom would I look up to when the only person u look up to as a child was acting no less than children.I was there lying and crying alone at home still longing for home(Sush D had left for US and my little brother was just too little and was still in hostel). So close to my parents yet so far away. FAMILY makes u secure but I was insecure.
My life has been a big joke to me and it’s funny how I make a joke out of my own life and smile all the time .LOL moments! Laugh out load till tears roll down… Now that festive season is approaching nearer, I only wanna run away farther.
My dad found his better half or I say it quarter half (lol)! Not funny? But it is funny C’mon!!Did he found the right fit to resemble a heart shape? I am trying to render it correct but to me it still looks like an odd shaped heart that can never find its perfect match (a daughter is speaking plz forgive her being inconsiderate, or don’t forgive I don’t care).
What do you do when reality is not how you want it to be? You escape from the reality and assure yourself that this world is perfect and everything is going the way you want it to be right??? NO! You don’t??Okay than! I do (hehe).Yes! I close my eyes and I pretend that everything is alright.
How and when did my longing started? Since when did this emptiness sheltered? It’s rooted deep within since as long as I can remember and this longingness can never be fulfilled I know.
Lastly, if anyone is reading this than note my words “Don’t believe anything that I have written. My life is perfect and my parents love each other dearly and they love me even more. ”