God Has Placed The Mirror Right Before Me

God Has Placed The Mirror Right Before Me nD Now I See:What I Want Is Not What I Need!

I always loved more than I should,gave all that I could. Submitted myself whole heartedly to the one I loved and despite loving so much and giving it all, he chose to leave.I wondered for days, months and years… Why did he choose to leave? What was lacking that I couldn’t give?

After almost a year and a half after our break up, he is back…Yes! Back with a bang ehh ! He is back just as I wanted him to be. This is sth I had secretly wished for i.e. his come back, for I wasn’t sure if I will ever be able to love anyone the way I loved him. But as strange as it may seem; now that he is back, I don’t feel anything (nor am I happy or sad). I seem to have grown numb towards my own feelings I guess. I don’t feel the same way about him the way I used to. No way that I am going to rekindle our old relationship. Shame on me if I give him another chance to fool me twice. And most important of all..I don’t feel the same way about him no more. End of story! This is not even the point here. What’s bothering me is….

While he left me in misery, I felt all alone. Day and night I would question god for such injustice. I Interrogated lord for such unrighteous act of his. I thought I should get what I give. I give love and that’s exactly what I need. I pondered if there is anyone who knows how to love me the way I can love.

And guess what? I found someone new who knows how to love me just the way I used to love. Things that he says and all other things he does reminds me of how I used to be. He acts, his words, every other gesture of him remind me of me, and how I used to be. He is male image of myself lol! And coincidentally we share the same DOB (Haha), what could be weird than that? He is what my heart longed for but again, now that I’ve got what I always wanted. I lack the love or that feel towards him…. Despite him having all those characteristics that once I had longed for “I am not in love with him”.

I know not, how to deceive so I told him, I am not the one..But he only knows how to give and love unconditionally (Oh! he is how so typical me!)..His generosity and love instead of making me feel better its making me ill. I feel suffocated (I know that sounds selfish and rude but I am just being honest here)…

God is placing mirror right before me-“God must be saying –See! This is what u wanted and I gave it to you, so are you happy now?” eh ! Sometimes I don’t understand what is it that I really want?? I know (want and need) are two different things. Maybe what I need or what I wish for is not sth that I need! I ask for sth and the very moment I get it, I say “This is not I what I was looking for”.. I ask if that’s my fault, for not feeling the way I thought I should? What’s up with me? Am I growing inconsiderate day by day so that no love shit can hurt me again? IDK! Or maybe the love in me is lost. I did love once and as I failed …I lost it all-ALL @ ONCE !

This experience leaves me questioning why is that sometimes despite finding the right guy that you’ve always dreamt about, you don’t actually fall in love similarly, sometimes you tend to fall madly in love with the person who’s got all traits u have scorned all your life.

Love is ambiguous and will always remain an alien.Like everyone is curious about alien but still many doubts if they even exist…Love-It’s complicated and more you try to solve this riddle of love you are only likely to get winded up in its intense confusion. Love shall, is and will always remain a foreign land to me.

$hri§T

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5 thoughts on “God Has Placed The Mirror Right Before Me

  1. idk if it relates to this article or not, but knowing u personally i have a suggestion for u i.e stop comparing. Comparing ur past and present or any person or condition will only make u biased i guess…Love is a beautiful emotion but mysterious at the same tym … it gives u happiness n misery, but its all part of life, we wouldnt know the extent of happiness had we not been thru any misery, misery makes happiness worth it… the most important thing for you now is a nice break, enjoy the moment, being single aint being out of love, i bet u gonna be happy tht u took tym n stop worrying abt ppl who are interested in u, sumtyms u know u gotta be lil selfish and think abt urself …i appreciate the way u hav let ppl know tht u not want to be in relationship riee now and i wud really appreciate ppl not forcing (forcing mught be bit harsh wrd but really cudnt get any other wrds in my mind lol) u into it…. 😀

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    1. Binnie! My Winnie Pooh 🙂

      Yeah!“We wouldn’t know the extent of happiness had we not been thru any misery, misery makes happiness worth it”…So True !!

      “Being single aint being out of love”..Hmmm! I never actually thought abt that..Thank u honey such an eye opener to me..CCD <3sss Ya! My Baby ! 🙂

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  2. love is like kasturi deer .. the actual fragrance of love which is the basic quality of 1 universal life energy is within you ..
    the deer keeps searching for the kasturi its entire life time still doesnot know that its within ..
    your heading of this blog is bang on real truth ..
    the outside world is manifestation of our internal world ..
    would advise .. if you don’t mind ..
    first step to finding the right better half is make this half ..i.e you whole and complete
    like they say charity begins @ home ..
    magic of love begins with loving yourself the way you are as of now ..
    you need to be selfish in the beginning so that u can be truely beyond selfish and self less feelings , attitude ..

    day by day , every day , every second every moment you are being guided by the universal life energy towards all the answers that you are seeking now ..

    you have tried everything just try the above prayer .. for 20-30 days with calm and peaceful mind ..
    you would keep on getting thoughts some good some bad , some +ve some -ve ..whatever be the quality , frequency of those ..
    just believe in the magic of love and the above prayer ..
    and do it.. if not for your self then please do it for universal life enery ..

    I bet that the blog on the 30th day would be the best blog of your life cos you would have experienced the best life moment of your life till that date ..

    have faith in universal life energy .. which is actually unconditional love and please do this
    +hanks in advance ,
    ~

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    1. @beingtinyinfiniteinfinity: Wooo as much as i am enjoying ure comment..Ure rgt “outside world is manifestation of our internal world “..

      “first step to finding the right better half is make this half ..i.e you whole and complete”..(Well said ! Impressive 🙂

      Like

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